I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
