so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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