i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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