Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
