Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
