She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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