you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
