I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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