we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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