If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
