dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
