I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
