You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
