you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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