i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
