hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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