I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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