What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
