so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
