So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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