I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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