just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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