I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
