all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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