U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I did not marry a roomba.
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