I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
