At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize