How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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