I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
