He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
