What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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