hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
