if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
