I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
