I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
