I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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