you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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