I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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