my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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