the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Fuck appropriateness.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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