My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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