Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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