dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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