Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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