be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
