I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
