I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
