Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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