How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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