I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
