The maid of honor just puked.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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