I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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