I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
