Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
