I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize