I puked a lego.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
