'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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