He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
