Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
