I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
