don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
