i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
