I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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