Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
