all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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