Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
