I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
