Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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