I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
