remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
