i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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