I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
