..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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