I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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