Can Purell be used as lube?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
