My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
