It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
