Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sober January is a disaster.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize