I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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