i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
