i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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