i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
